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John Canning, chairman of Chicago private-equity firm Madison-Dearborn Partners and noted dude with lots of money (private equity must pwn), is interested in the Cubs. His ownership group has long been mentioned as the frontrunner in the sale of the storied franchise mostly because he's really good friends with Bud Selig, and that is one of two big prerequisites -- the other being, you know, money -- for becoming a Major League Baseball owner.

Turns out, Canning might have failed at the money bit. His first offer lowballed the Cubs, and they dismissed it outright:

A group led by John Canning, chairman of Chicago private-equity firm Madison Dearborn, valued the Cubs, Wrigley and the team's stake in Comcast SportsNet at far less than the $1 billion or more that the four or five groups team owner Tribune Co. deemed satisfactory to continue, a source with knowledge of the process said. [...] But Tribune Co., which also owns the Chicago Tribune, appeared to be serving notice in shooting down the lowball offer. The source indicated that the most important figures connected with any offer will be the ones with dollar signs [...]

In other words, Canning's friendship with Selig isn't going to win him this outright, and he will have to pony up the cash to make his chances stick. Equally interesting will be what happens when Mark Cuban bids -- or maybe he'll just buy sports, and save us all the trouble.

The Major League Soccer All-Star Game kicks off tonight in Toronto, and the best players in MLS, all of whom are in mid-season form, will face a mid-table Premier League club (West Ham United) just starting its preseason. The All-Stars will probably win -- just as they did against Celtic, Chelsea and Fulham in the last three All-Star Games -- and MLS will hold it up as an example of how their players can compete in any league in Europe.

Of course, this is nonsense. No MLS club could survive the Premier League season, because no club is deep enough or talented enough to handle it. (I could explain why, but I'd be repeating myself.) Plus, playing a team still in preseason mode is much easier than playing team in midseason form. That's why MLS hasn't won a CONCACAF trophy in eight years.

It does bring up an interesting question, though, which I will pose to you, FanHouse readers -- if this All-Star team was its own club, how would it fare in Europe?

Forget our report that there is a 90 percent chance that Fedor Emelianenko would defend his heavyweight title against Andrei Arlovski: Kevin Iole of Yahoo reports that it's 100 percent: The fight will take place on October 11, and the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas has already been booked.

The October 11 date is significant because it's going to be very, very hard for UFC to counter-program Affliction the way it did last Saturday. UFC 89 is scheduled for October 18 and UFC 90 is scheduled for October 25, and it would just be asking too much for UFC to do three straight Saturday live shows.

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5.Gilbert's Going Boring
4.Bartman Offered $25,000 for One Autograph
3.Man Crawls Across Finish Line at NYC Triathalon
2.Wroten Has Ricky Williams Disease
1.Never Underestimate a 78-year-old Woman

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Thursdays: Kristine
Fridays: Miss Gossip

The first time EliteXC had a show on CBS it seemed like a Very Big Deal, simply because it was the debut for mixed martial arts on network television in prime time.

EliteXC's second CBS show is this Saturday night, and it doesn't seem like such a big deal. But the truth is, this weekend's card (the first hour of which is on Showtime) is actually a better showcase of MMA talent than the EliteXC CBS debut.

The card features two of the top 25 MMA fighters in the world, with middleweight champ Robbie Lawler taking on Scott Smith in a rematch of the best fight from that first show, and welterweight champ Jake Shields taking on Nick Thompson. It also has a solid undercard that could have the women's MMA fight of the year. Full details and predictions are below.

The guy in the picture to the right is Simeon Williamson, a British runner who is England's best chance of winning an Olympic sprint medal next month in Beijing.

If there was any question of where Williamson gets his speed, this article provides the answer: He gets it from his grandmother, 78-year-old Pearline Williamson, who had her purse stolen by a young woman recently, only to run her down and get the purse back. Pearline explains:

"The thief must have thought I was an easy touch because I'm elderly. ...

"When she took my purse I had to do something so I ran after her and grabbed her as hard as I could.

"She said she hadn't taken it at first, so I shook the life out of her until she finally gave it back. ...

"It makes me so mad when people try to take your things," she said. "Back in my day you had to work so hard for every penny."

I think Pearline just earned her grandson a lot of older fans.

Hat tip: Steady Burn.

Moments after Fedor Emelianenko's dominant win over Tim Sylvia Saturday night, the best mixed martial arts heavyweight in the world was asked who he'd like to fight next, and he gave the answer the fans wanted to hear: Randy Couture.

But contractual issues will apparently keep that fight from happening, and today a source who knows both Fedor and Andrei Arlovski told me that a Fedor-Arlovski fight is "90 percent" finalized. DreamFighters.com also quotes Fedor as saying he will fight Arlovski next.

The only potential stumbling block is that Arlovski wants to give professional boxing a try, and it's still possible that he'll choose to box in the fall and not step into the MMA ring again until 2009.

It appears, however, that Arlovski will fight Fedor before he puts on the boxing gloves. Although Fedor is obviously the favorite, Arlovski is a hard striker who would have a puncher's chance at beating Fedor, especially if he can cut Fedor's face early. Fedor-Arlovski is a fight every MMA fan will want to see.

UPDATE: Fedor vs. Arlovski is set for October 11.

Earlier this week, Will Ferrell showed up for promotional appearances on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and MTV's Total Request Live sporting this old school Chelsea jersey. This pretty much ensures that no self-respecting Gooner will ever spend a dime on his movies again.

Ferrell is the newest addition to Chelsea's offcial Celebrity Fans list. He's up there with Michael Caine, Owen Wilson, Tara Reid, Busta Rhymes and Guy Ritchie. Sounds like a really crappy film waiting to happen, doesn't it?

(H/T: Unprofessional Foul)

No longer is Marques Colston one of the league's best bargains.

After setting the record for most receptions in a player's first two seasons (168) to the tune of 2,240 yards and 19 touchdowns, the former seventh-rounder set to earn $445,000 agreed to a much-deserved extension with the Saints that will better reflect his play.

It's a three-year extension that will lock him up through 2011, and while the financial terms aren't disclosed, I would expect him to get around $7 million annually with $15 million guaranteed. But that's just my personal hunch, and I'm almost always wrong about everything, so take this with the appropriate grain of salt. There was no doubt the Saints would keep Colston past his rookie deal, but getting it out of the way before training camp, in a year which the team has ample cap room, was important.

There's no reason to not expect Colston to maintain, or improve, his numbers this year. He and Drew Brees have developed an obvious rapport, and he lacks the diva complex that plagues most receivers. Plus, I don't know if you've heard, but Jeremy Shockey is on the team now, and he's going to give Colston some room to move. When he's not extracting revenge on the Giants, that is.

There's not need to bore you with the Steve Bartman story -- he came, he reached, the Cubs choked, we all moved on (except Cubs fans, they stink at moving on; see above). But there was a fascinating little twist to his plot of eternal terror today, as the Orlando Sentinel reports that he got offered $25,000.00 to de-hermitize himself and sign a single autograph.

SportsBuy.com and the National Sports Collectors Convention are offering $25,000 -- a briefcase with 250 $100 bills inside -- to infamous Chicago Cubs fan Steve Bartman if he comes out of hiding attends the show and signs a single autograph.

[...]To collect the cash, all Bartman has to do is show up at the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center in Rosemont, Ill., at 1 p.m. on July 31, prove his identity and sign a photograph of the infamous play. It will then be auctioned on the Web site with the proceeds going to a Chicago-based charity, according to a news release for the publicity stunt event.

Three thoughts. First of all, Chris Olds, slow your roll on the strikethrough. (And yeah, I'm totally guilty of it myself, but it actually needs to be funny the objects should be more diametrically opposed.)